


Madame Janette, "Psychic"

by kafuka



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Gen, Yuletide, Yuletide 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 00:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16984599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kafuka/pseuds/kafuka
Summary: On Simone’s encouragement, Eleanor goes to the student activities fair and runs into Madame Janette, “Psychic”. For Yuletide 2018.





	Madame Janette, "Psychic"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [freneticfloetry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/freneticfloetry/gifts).



> For freneticfloetry! Sorry I couldn’t work in much Chidi being indecisive, but your “Janet as a psychic” prompt threw a plot bunny straight at my face. Hope you enjoy and Happy Yuletide!

Eleanor did not want to go to the fair.

Simone had encouraged her. As interested as she was in learning about ethics and philosophy, Eleanor had no desire to mingle with other students. It wasn’t like she was an actual student, and was in fact much older than most of them. But Simone suggested making friends might be a good way to practice all that ethical stuff, and Eleanor had nothing better to do the day of the student activities fair. Simone and Chidi were teaching for most of the day, and she was right -- Eleanor didn’t have any other friends or even acquaintances in Australia beside the two of them.

Simone tried to get Chidi to back her up, but he spiraled off into a long conversation with himself about the possible ramifications and outcomes of Eleanor going to the student activities fair. Simone gave Eleanor a look that said “Would you rather be around for this?” that mostly utilized her eyebrows, and Eleanor snuck off while Chidi contemplated possible funnel cake incidents. 

Besides, as good as funnel cake sounded, Eleanor was pretty sure it wasn’t _that kind_ of fair.

Eleanor hadn’t loved college, but she hadn’t hated it. She spent most of it scamming drinks out of people at bars and only hooking up with whoever bought her the right kind of alcohol and had the best arms. As she walked through the campus dotted with colorful tents and banners, she found she missed scamming people out of drinks.

She pondered the moral quandary as she walked, which -- she was proud to say -- kept her from being too bitchy about the extremely dumb and uninteresting looking clubs being advertised. But after emerging from the third row of garish banners and poorly designed posters with a kind-of-funky, half-eaten corn dog, the flap of of a bright yellow tent caught her eye. When she read the sandwich board outside, she knew she found the holy grail of stupid.

“Madame Janette, Psychic” the sign said, with an illustration of a crystal ball underneath. Eleanor couldn’t stop her body from dumping the crappy corn dog behind a stall, marching up to the tent, throwing open the flap, and inviting herself in.

“Madame Janette?” she asked, looking around the dark tent. She didn’t like how timid her voice ended up sounding, but she was not expecting a pitch black void to greet her when she walked in.

A light flickered in the middle of the tent, and its glow extended faintly to reveal a table and a woman in green and purple floral print robes. Her head was bowed, and Eleanor could only see the tip of her nose poking out from under the oddly patterned hood. The glow came from the frosted-over crystal ball in the center of the table. Eleanor could make out a chair about a foot in front of her.

“That would be me,” the woman said.

“You’re not Australian?” Eleanor asked, sliding into the chair and dropping her bag on the floor.

“I’m not, but I feel like you didn’t come here to ask me that.” Madame Janette said.

“Oh, I see,” Eleanor said, sitting back and throwing one leg over the other. She crossed her arms and smirked. “So what am I here to ask, witchy poo?”

“You seek guidance, Eleanor.”

“Yeah, guidance. Like you don’t tell everyone tha-- Wait, how did you know my name?” Eleanor’s arms uncurled and her hands dropped to her lap.

“I’m psychic, Eleanor. It’s on the sign.”

“No way, you had to have intel. There is no way you plucked my name out of thin air! Did Simone and Chidi set this up? No, not Chidi, he’d never do something like this… _ever_ , because he would never be able to decide to.” Eleanor stared her down, but Madame Janette remained still and said nothing. “Okay, tell me something only I would know, then. Something I’ve never told anyone.”

Madame Janette reached out and swiped her hand across the crystal ball’s surface. “How about your childhood crush on Sam the Eagle?”

“Stop!” Eleanor said, throwing her hand up in front of Madame Janette’s face. She didn’t flinch. “Okay, you’re psychic. I buy it. Say no more. What are you doing here at a student activities fair and not trying to Miss Cleo it up?”

“I’m here because you need guidance, Eleanor.”

Eleanor looked around the tent for a solid minute, but determined it was too small and empty to house hidden cameras or any other ways of transmitting her terror to the internet. Unless…

She grabbed the crystal ball, yanked it off the table and shook it, sure there was a webcam inside. But it was heavier than she anticipated, and the weight of it pitched her body to the side, making her fall out of the chair and lose grip on the crystal ball.

Eleanor tensed as she waited for the crystal ball to smash into her face, but when nothing happened, she cracked open one eye and sat up. Madame Janette was still sat in the exact same position and the ball was firmly in its cradle where it had been before Eleanor snatched it.

Eleanor silently righted herself and sat back down in the chair. “Okay, let’s pretend that made sense by the laws of physics and move on. Who’s going to give me the guidance I supposedly seek?”

Madame Janette reached out and brushed the top of the crystal ball with the tips of her fingers. “You’ll meet a man… No! You’ve already met a man! Tall, dark, handsome… and _surprisingly_ jacked.” She said.

“I do like the ‘surprisingly jacked’ part,” Eleanor said. “But I don’t think I know anyone that fits that description.”

“Really? Nobody you can think of? Nobody at all?”

Eleanor stared into to space for a second. “I mean, I haven’t MET Chadwick Boseman, but maybe he’s in the area? Ooh, is he shooting the next Black Panther movie here? I should check Twitter!” She began digging in her purse for her phone, humming triumphantly when she found it.

Madame Janette reached out and put her hand over Eleanor’s phone, pushing it out of her line of sight. “No, it’s not Chadwick Boseman. It’s someone you’ve already met.”

“Hey, even you weren’t even sure at first!”

“My crystal ball was a little cloudy. But I’m positive you’ve already met.”

“Okay, and what sort of guidance are they supposed to give me?”

Without reaching out to touch the crystal ball, Madame Janette said, “Ethical guidance.”

This gave Eleanor pause. “Okay, I think I’ve got a better idea of who this might be now. Does this person… wear glasses?”

“He might,” Madame Janette replied.

“This isn’t a game of “Guess Who”, alright? Is your crystal ball too foggy to give you a clear picture or what!?” Eleanor sat back and folded her arms.

“My crystal ball simply channels images and feelings. I don’t see them clearly; I feel them.” Madame Janette said. She had gone back to running her fingers over the foggy dome. “I see that you are in need of guidance and that you came here to find it. I’m telling you someone you’ve met is going to be that guide. But also, you are going to guide them as well, and there are at least two others who will join your journey.”

“Two others…?” Images like faint memories flickered across Eleanor mind, too fast to really see them. She leaned forward. “Who?”

“A man and a woman,” Madame Janette said. “They will come into your life soon. They will guide you and you will guide them. And where they guide you -- and where you guide them -- will bring all of you eternal happiness.”

Eleanor frowned. “This all sounds like the plot to either a bad fantasy movie or an orgy porno.”

“I can assure you it’s not a porno.”

“Great,” Eleanor said, standing up. “Then it’s the less fun option. Well, this has been great and terrifying, Madame Janette, but I’m out of here. And also don’t take this the wrong way, but I would strongly advise against leaving your day job. You’re accurate, but just too creepy.”

Eleanor stood, turned on her heel, and marched out of the tent. Her face was hot and her hands clenched and unclenched as she passed through the yellow flap. Outside the entrance she stopped, another scathing quip on her tongue, but as she turned to deliver it, she found the tent had vanished.

Eleanor blinked, considered the possibility that in Australia “corn dog” meant “hallucinogenic drug,” and decided to go home and take a nap.

***

In an office, Michael was reading ticker tape. The door opened and shut, and Janet entered, wearing a purple and green floral cloak

“How did it go?” He asked.

“Not well,” she said, pushing back the hood of the cloak. “I think I kind of freaked her out. I used the few tricks I had left up my sleeve without being able to tap into my powers, but they might have been too much. She was very defensive, but I think I got her brain thinking more deeply about her and Chidi’s connection.”

Michael put down the ticker tape. “Well, you did your best. Now we have to figure out how to get Jason and Tahini in touch with Eleanor and Chidi.”

“Jason, huh?” Janet said, smiling as she picked up a line of tape emerging from a different machine. “Let me think on it. I feel like he might be more receptive to the ‘psychic guidance’ act than Eleanor.”

Michael signed and rolled his eyes. “I don’t doubt that for a minute.”


End file.
